Why can't it be me
by Midori Hane
Summary: [PROBABLY ABANDONED!] When Lovino's former pen-pal decides to move to London, where he lives, they start texting again after 10 years of ignoring each other. What the Italian did not suspect though, was the fact that the Spaniard moves in right next to him, making things...complicated, in the very least.
1. Chapter 1

Lovino sighed angrily while booting up his slow laptop. The screen flickered in many different colours before making a loud beeping noise and slowly beginning to glitch it's way to the desktop.

"I really need to get a new damn laptop", he cursed, annoyed by the incredible time it took to start the old thing.

When it (at last) was ready to use, Lovino started the web browser and started checking all social medias that he had been missing out on for the day. School had been pushing him to his limit for a long while now, and he hadn't had much time on the internet, even though it was one of his biggest passions. Now when it was summer break though, he had all the time in the world.

When Lovino had been looking through all of his notes on deviantART, stopping on the way to look at one of his brothers' new works (amazing, as always), he moved on to Facebook.

"Damn it, I don't care about your new gay relationships, Francis..." Lovino mumbled to himself as he scrolled trough the long list of news, mostly filled by posts on how Francis loved this "Matthew" oh-so-much.

After 30 minutes of checking social medias, he decided to check his mail, just to know if he had received a mail from a teacher, informing about a homework for the summer, and as he looked at the notification that showed him 149 new mails, he groaned.

"Fucking advertisements", he thought while rolling his eyes.

While flicking through all the junk mail, here recognised a user he hadn't seen in a long time.

How long was it since he had talked to that guy? 6 years?

Lovino clicked at the mail to start reading.

**From: oyanbun.53 **

**Subject: hi!**

**Hi, do you remember me? :D**

**It's Antonio, your old pen pal!**

**Do you remember that I live in Spain? Well, I want to tell you that I'm moving to London, and that I really want to meet you! :P**

**This may come out of the blue, but I have been planning on moving for a long time, since I plan on starting my own spanish restaurant there! **

**Well, you might think that I'm a stalker of some sort, asking my pen pal from 6 years ago to meet again after all these years like you're the only thing I think about, but it's just that you were always so nice to me when I was sad and all of those things, and I think that we could become really good friends if we live so close to each other!**

**I could really use some friends in London, since I don't know anyone there, so I would really like to get to know you! :D**

**If you're interested, please reply! :D**

**Antonio**

_**Sent 14:53**_

_**Opened 18:47**_

Lovino glared at the mail for a while.

He remembered Antonio being 2 years older than him, and he recalled him to be quite a depressed boy. Lovino had tried to cheer him up, even though he hadn't really understood the case, since he had been too young to experience those kinds of things on his own.

"At least he seems to be really fucking cheery now", he thought to himself.

The italian kind of wanted to meet the Spaniard that he had been so good friends with, but he knew that his hopes were lost. His sucky abilities of conversing outside the internet were unstandable, since he didn't really have any friends from anywhere else but online. The internet personality he had built up over the years was so unrecognisable compared to his personality in the real life that he had simply given up on talking outside of the internet. He never conversed, only making exceptions when he was answering a question, and he was always wearing an angry scowl to protect him from people trying to say anything to him. When he tried to talk, he always managed to sound rude and he always panicked, making him blurt out insults as often as his brother said "ve".

Lovino decided to at least reply to the mail, to spare the man's feelings, even if it was a little bit.

**From: **

**Subject: Re: hi!**

**Oh, hi, I thought that we would never speak again! :P**

**It seems fun that you're moving to London, and if you succeed in making a living out of this, I'd love to try out your restaurant! I'm sorry to say that I'm not too keen on meeting up. I have to say that I'm not a talking person, and I will probably scare you away if we do meet Dx**

**At least I'm happy to see that you seem well and I hope you have a safe flight.**

**Lovino**

_**Sent 18:53**_

After replying, the italian continued to flick through the mails, proud over his reply that had both ended the conversation and still managed to be as polite as possible.

Lovino's stomach suddenly growled from hunger, making him notice that he hadn't eaten anything yet. He started to long for a good bolognese, so he flicked trough all the messages as quickly as possible, ignoring Alfred's invitations to parties that seemed to be held all the time.

But just as he had finished clearing up all of the mails and started to leave his small room to make some food, his laptop alerted, showing a notification.

**1 new mail!**

Lovino growled. The italian was quite tired of his laptop for the moment, since all he wanted now was something to fill his stomach with. He angrily clicked the mail open and started reading.

**From: oyanbun.53 **

**Subject: re: hi!**

**I see! :( **

**Aaaaw, I bet you are an amazing friend and I'm sure you wouldn't scare me away! :(**

**Well, if you're not too comfortable with it, I can't force you, but I really want to meet you!**

**Is it alright if we keep mailing each other, and we can see if you get more comfy with me?**

**Antonio**

_**Sent 19:07**_

_**Opened 19:09**_

Lovino glared at the mail and sighed. He knew that this guy was bad news. The italian didn't know how many times he had ended friendships, and even relationships because of their need to do meet-ups. The relationships had started out great until they had begun to talk about wanting to meet with the italian. Lovino knew that they would end whatever relation they had when they met the overly rude, angry looking italian, and he had always attempted to break it before that happened, avoiding the reject and pain himself by pushing it to the other person.

He couldn't stand feeling rejected and hurt, so, being the selfish person he was, he had given the pain to his partner.

"One person can't hold up a relationship."

Lovino knew this.

But he still couldn't accept it.

That's why he really didn't understand why he started writing a new mail.

**From: **

**Subject: re: hi!**

**Well, it can't hurt, can it?**

**I probably can't reply in a while since I will be making food (I'm so hungry! :'c), but I hope I will get more comfortable with you over the time! :)**

**When will you be leaving?**

**Lovino**

_**Sent 19:15**_

Lovino sighed. He knew that this was going to end badly. Why did he even bother to talk to this guy?

The italian rose from his chair and made his way to the kitchen.

All he wanted now was some nice pasta with lots of tomatoes.

* * *

**hi!**

**This is the author, obviously!**

**This is my first story on this site, and wow I'm nervous! D:**

**I just want to say that ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE, I am from Sweden, and while my english isn't horrible, I need a moment to say that it is not perfect. **

**I apologise in advance for any possible typos!**

**~Midori**


	2. Chapter 2

The thing that woke Lovino up in the morning was not the sound of birds chirping outside the window, nor was it the sun that shone brightly, lighting up the room.

Of course, on his first day of the summer break, he was woken up by the loud beeping of his alarm that was set on 6:15 in the morning, since he had forgotten to turn it off.

After groaning loudly and turning it off, he tried to go back to sleep again, but in vain, of course.

When the italian had woken up, nothing could put him back to sleep again.

Lovino dragged himself out of the bed and yawned, exhausted because he went to bed late the night before, since he hadn't planned on being woken up so early.

Neither the sun nor the birds that he had longed for were there when he opened up the curtains of the cramped bedroom.

He was greeted by the rain pouring down the streets, followed by the sound of thunder echoing through his ears.

He shut his mouth angrily, grinding his teeth on the way.

"Oh _dear_! It's raining cats and dogs _again_!" The italian snapped with an over-exaggerated british accent, immediately starting to scowl. He missed the sunny days in Italy.

Lovino sluggishly made his way to his wardrobe and started selecting clothes with care.

He decided to go for an olive-coloured hoodie and some black slim fit jeans that he had found lying around. His clothes were comfy to wear, and he still didn't look like a hobo if he went out to the street.

As Lovino made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast, he noticed that he hadn't checked his mail to see if Antonio had answered yet. The italian quickly took his laptop out of the foot of his bed (where he had forgotten it after marathoning movies the night before, he was lucky he hadn't kicked it down on the floor) and brought it to the kitchen table, starting it on the way. While he was waiting for it to boot up, he started making himself some grilled cheese and coffee.

As a child, Lovino had practically been an angel. He had always gotten good grades, his room was always clean and he was a great cook, but there was one thing that had made his abilities crumble.

His brother.

Feliciano had always been better than him, making the older italian seem "average". His younger brother also had a cute face and a better attitude. Who wouldn't love him? Lovino had noticed this very early, but when even their grandpa had treasured his little brother with great care, while barely talking to the older boy, the Italian's confidence had still managed to drop.

Lovino could barely stand the attention the younger brother had gotten, and it didn't help much when his parents had come up with the "great idea" of moving to England.

Lovino remembered them talking about it like it was the best place in the world, and when he had heard about it, he was more than happy to move. The italian had thought about it as a "great chance to start over".

That was a mistake.

When he had moved, Lovino was 7 years old, while his brother was 5.

Their mother was Irish, so they had both known a bit of english, which made them think that school should be okay.

It was. For Feliciano.

When the teacher had introduced him to the class, this had been exactly what had happened:

Lovino had said:

"Hello, my name is Lovino Vargas. I am from Italy and my favourite food is tomatoes."

A boy in the class had asked:

"Why do you have a weird curl in your hair? It looks really funny!"

The response that Lovino had given the blonde boy with glasses was words that he would have to regret for his whole school life.

"Well, why do you have such a weird face? I could fix it for you with my fists, you damn american bastard", Lovino had snapped angrily.

The boy had looked shocked for a few seconds, his blue eyes widening with great measures before he had thrown himself at the brunette.

The teacher had tried to stop them with an exclamation like "Alfred! Lovino! Stop right now!", but none of them had listened and they had both ended up with swollen faces and detention.

Somehow, the rumour had spread like wildfire, making Lovino seem like "the new delinquent Italian", and no one dared to talk to him for a long time.

The smell of finished toast pulled him back to senses, and the Italian poured up some coffee while sitting down in front of his laptop. Of course, Lovino saw a message which he clicked on.

**From: oyanbun.53 **

**Subject: re: hi!**

**Woohoo! Thanks! :)**

**I'll be going in a week!**

**Oh, and also: could I get your number? I don't really feel like starting my pc every time I want to talk with you -_- **

**Antonio**

**Sent 19:17**

**Opened 06:37**

Lovino glared at his laptop. Wasn't he being a bit pushy now? He had already agreed on even starting to mail with him again and he didn't know how he felt about giving the spaniard his number.

It felt like they were getting a bit too close for comfort. But even though he had his doubts, he still found himself writing his number to the damn guy.

**Hello, the author again.**

**I was gonna write more to this chapter, but I decided add that part to the next chapter instead, since it would be more off a cliffhanger this way, so if it's short, sorry.**

**And also, if you think that this chapter is meh and not that well written, I can't blame you, since i'm not proud of this one.. :\ Don't worry tho, I'll make next chapter better.**

**Sorry for any typos, I haven't really checked this chapter, but don't worry, I'll do it when I get my other stuff done (I am lazy)**

**Thank you very much for the reviews, both on this story and the other one that I'm writing!**

**You may think that it doesn't matter, but it TRULY, TRULY does! It really inspires me to keep writing these sorts of things and it makes me happy to know that you care about the story! :)**

**As always, I apologise for any possible typos and reviews are GREATLY appreciated!**

**~Midori **


	3. Chapter 3

"Ve~ Lovino, you got a text~!" A voice chirped, disturbing the Italian's sound sleep.

He sighed angrily while rubbing his eyes, fearing the possibility that he would have to be on his phone for a long time.

"Ugh...Goddammit, it's the death Spaniard again, isn't it?", he growled while struggling to sit up on the small bed.

Feliciano smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah...", he responded with a chuckle.

The younger Italian handed him the phone before he made his way to the kitchen.

"Ve~ If you need me, I'll be making some pasta~",

"Yeah, yeah, whatever", he responded lazily.

Lovino snorted at the new text that he had received and started reading.

**Hi :D**

**I will be leaving tomorrow and I'm so happy! **

**I can't help but to think that we may meet out of coincidence, like it's fate or something! **

**That's why I'm asking you now, may I have a picture of you? **

**I just think that if we meet, I want to know that its you! :3**

**Pretty please? **

**Well, even if you don't want to do it, here is a picture of me, just in case!:)**

_**Sent 8:32**_

_**Opened 8:43**_

To be honest, Lovino really just felt like slamming his head against the cupboard. This man was _so _demanding. A growl escaped from the Italian's mouth, which took Feliciano's attention from the pasta-making.

"Ve~what's the matter, fratello?", He asked from the kitchen.

"This fucking Spaniard. First he wants me to become his mail friend, then he wants me to give him my number, and now he wants a fucking selfie from me. It's like he's a fucking pedophile.", Lovino spat.

Feliciano looked at him, a soft smile on his lips.

"Lovi, I think you should send him a picture of yourself.", he started.

Lovino flinched.

"Fuck no", he tried, but was cut off.

"Don't you think that it's time to open up to someone else than me? You have been hiding in your shell for a long while now. And isn't this boy your childhood friend? It's not like you can't trust him.", Feliciano continued, now looking completely serious.

Lovino looked at him for a while, shocked over how the normally air headed Italian had become dead serious in only a matter of seconds.

He then decided to open his mouth to say something.

"Really? I think that he should just eat shit and die.", he grumbled.

The two of them looked at each other for a while in an awkward silence before Feliciano burst out laughing.

"Wow, you never change, fratello.", he said, trying to even out his breaths from the sudden giggles.

"Fuck off, and now tell me what you really think about this guy.", Lovino snapped.

Feliciano looked at him, drying a tear that he had shed from the laughing with his sleeve.

"I really think that you should send him a picture.", he said, smiling.

"Are you senile? I bet he'll rape me.", Lovino said with an angry scowl.

Feliciano only giggled, though.

"No he won't, fratello. You could use a new friend. I was not too sure about Ludwig too, but look how far we have gone!"

The older Italian was immediately angered by the mention of his brother's German friend. Feliciano was always saying that he was really nice to him, but Lovino doubted that. He surely wanted nothing else than to get into his brother's pants.

"Don't even fucking mention that potato bastard while talking with me.", he spat.

The younger Italian smiled sheepishly.

"Ve~ sorry, Lovi", he tried.

"Don't call me that."

Feliciano pouted, and after a while he opened his mouth so say something.

"Fine I'll send him a fucking selfie, just stop bothering me already.", Lovino cut just when the younger Italian was about to speak. He gave his older brother a soft smile.

"Ve~ thank you, Lovi", he said before returning to his pasta-making.

Lovino scowled while taking up his phone again.

"Should I really?", he thought to himself before opening the text again.

The Italian widened his eyes to see the attachment in the message. He had almost forgotten that the Spaniard had sent him a picture too.

"It can't hurt to look.", he thought to himself while opening the document.

Lovino's eyes widened with great measures when he saw the face on the screen.

He had _not _expected that. The Italian had always imagined Antonio to be that dorky guy that was extremly happy because he had found a friend, since he didn't have any others.

But no. This guy was _overly _attractive.

His hair had a beautiful hazel color and it seemed so curly and fluffy that Lovino felt like touching it to see if it was real or not. He was smiling into the camera, opening his mouth just enough to show the beautiful white teeth that hid under his thin lips.

But the best thing about him was his eyes.

They were a beautiful green color, shining slightly because of the bright room that he was sitting in. He was squinting just a bit because of the sun, and, to be honest, he looked like an angel.

Lovino felt his confidence shrink immediately. How was he supposed to even _compete _with that? The Italian grumpily started to type a new text.

**I am now doubting if I should send a selfie or not, since you look so gorgeous. My confidence is completely dropped now qwq**

_**sent 9:04**_

As Lovino expected, he was answered immediately.

**Come ooooon! I don't look gorgeous myself, and I will SURELY think that you are completely hotter than me! Just send iiiit! Please? **

_**Sent 9:06**_

_**Opened 9:07**_

Lovino sighed over the fact that he had dug his own grave.

"There's no going back, I suppose", he thought to himself and started browsing his phone for a good picture.

**Well, then, suit yourself. .-.**

_**sent: 9:14**_

As Lovino waited for answer, he got up and got himself dressed, but just as he had gotten his shirt off, he heard his phone alert about a new text that had been received. The Italian scowled to himself and quickly changed to some sweatpants and a white t-shirt, disgusted by the fact that he wasn't wearing anything fashionable.

When finished, he picked up the phone and read the text quickly.

**You're adorable! D:**

**And JUST LOOK AT THAT CURL! It's so cute!**

_**Sent 9:16**_

_**Opened 9:24**_

Lovino gaped at the text for a while before noticing what had actually just happened, exploding into a furious rage.

"FELICIANO!" he roared, hearing a high-pitched shriek in the background.

"Y-you scared me, fratello!", he heard before storming out of the room to see his little brother.

"He fucking insulted me! Look!", Lovino said before shoving the phone into his brother's face.

"I-I-can't see anything, let me just-!", he said before taking the phone out of the older Italian's hands to adjust the distance from his eyes.

After a while, Feliciano giggled.

"Ve~ but fratello, didn't he compliment you?", he said, smiling carelessly.

Lovino let out a growl.

"He fucking _did not!", _he spat.

"If I would be called adorable and cute, I would totally take it as a compliment!"

"But that's because you're an _idiot! _A boy does not normally take that as a compliment!"

Feliciano only giggled again, being used to his brother's insults.

"Come on, does it seem like he wanted to insult you?", Feliciano argued.

Lovino stood there for a while, trying to come up with a comeback.

"O-of course it d-"

"No it doesn't Lovi~"

The older Italian pouted at his brother before deciding to give up.

"Fine. Whatever, bastard.", he said, turning around to enter his room again.

"Lovi~", he heard from behind.

"Don't call me that.", he simply spat.

"You forgot your phone."

Lovino quickly snatched the phone out of his brother's hand before storming into his room again.

Great. Now he was surrounded by not just one, but _two _needy idiots.

**Hi, da author here.**

**Veneziano is making pasta at 8:40 in the morning. What could you expect?**

**I'm sorry this chapter is boring and slow. -w-'' (Even I think that I should just get to the point already) ****But hey, at least I didn't rush it, like I do with all other stores I make \('-' )/**

**And also, you may wonder, WILL THERE BE FEELS IN THIS STORY? ****My answer: YES. TOO MANY FEELS TO HANDLE. ATLEAST IF THIS IS ONE OF YOUR OTPS LIKE ME.**

**Yeah, you just got my first derp-attack. There will be more of those. **

**Okay, now I need to get normal, geez, get it together, Midori. You can get normal. Just try. **

**I think I can do this..**

**Okay, first off, the Italy brothers are roommates, yes, and I will hopefully explain that situation some time in the future. ****And also, sorry for not uploading for a while, I have ACTUALLY had stuff to do on the summer break D:**

**Lastly, thank you VERY MUCH for the reviews! I appreciate them a lot, and they do lots for my improvement! Keep that up! I will check this chapter for typos tomorrow, because I'm tired and lazy as always.**

**I hope you enjoy and I apologize in advance for any possible typos! **

**~Midori**

**Edit: I fixed the typos around 1 month after I uploaded this. *slaps myself* sorry Dx**


	4. Chapter 4

Lovino sat in the empty hallway, playing with a thread on his wooly coat and wearing a deep scowl on his face. His brother had forced him to go to therapy to "cure" his bad behaviour, but he knew very well that it was not going to work. He did not believe that talking to someone would solve the issues that he had with socialising. It was like a part of him, a reflex that would always be there. Not many people could tolerate his overly rude nature, and the people that did had their reasons for doing so. Just because this therapist was there to "listen to his problems" it didn't mean that they would magically be solved.

Lovino felt his phone vibrate in his small pocket, and he quickly pulled it up to check what he had received.

* * *

**Hi, Lovi!**

**Just saying that I'm on the plane, and it's lifting in 10 minutes!**

**Antonio**

**sent: 20:24**

**opened: 20:26**

* * *

Lovino frowned in both surprise and frustration at the fact that Antonio had called him "Lovi" just like his brother, but started typing quickly on his phone.

* * *

**Don't call me Lovi! xD**

**Hope you have a safe flight!**

**sent: 20:27**

* * *

Of course, a new message was immediately received.

* * *

**But Lovi is such a cute nickname for you!**

**If we meet I would definitely call you that ;)**

**What are you doing now?**

**sent: 20:28**

**opened: 20:29**

* * *

Lovino quickly started typing again, happy to have found something to do.

* * *

**I would not let you call me that, like ever .-.**

**Waiting for my therapist to arrive, she's 5 minutes late already.**

**sent: 20:31**

* * *

**Why do you have a therapist?**

**sent:20:32**

**opened:20:32**

* * *

**Nothing important, just some small issues.**

**sent:20:33**

* * *

**I see. Well, I need to turn off my phone now, the plane will be lifting soon. **

**See you! ;)**

**sent:20:34**

**opened:20:34**

* * *

**Bye :)**

**sent:20:35**

* * *

"You finished?", he heard a voice saying, sounding slightly annoyed. Lovino looked up to see an Asian...woman, he decided, with big, brown eyes. She had her dark brown hair in a small ponytail that was laying on her shoulder gracefully. The Italian's face went slightly red out of embarrassment and he fumbled with his words.

"Y-yeah.", he simply muttered.

"Well, let's start this, then", the woman said, unlocking the door to her room quickly. It was a very small workspace with nothing but two chairs and a small desk. There was only one picture on the desk of her, slightly younger, holding a black-haired child in the hand. She was wearing a bright smile while making a thumbs up, probably directed to the boy, who was wearing an unreadable expression while simply looking into the camera.

"That is my...brother.", the woman said, having noticed Lovino's staring. The Italian looked over to the Asian woman who was gazing at the photograph with a tiny smile on her face.

"I see, Miss...?" he replied.

"Wang. Yao Wang. And I am man, thank you very much." Lovino's eyes were widened in surprise, and a faint blush appeared on his face.

"W-well, you look like a fucking girl, so I'm _sorry_..", he muttered as a reflex to hide his embarrassment. Yao didn't seem too offended, though, as if he had dealt with these sorts of matters several times.

"It seems that you are more polite around girls?", he instead said. Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever."

"What is your reason for coming here, first of all?", Yao said.

"Didn't my brother tell you...?", Lovino replied, sounding as bored as possible.

"I do not believe that he did."

"Well, unless you're really thickheaded, you might have noticed my fucking problem.", Lovino spat, wanting to leave already. Yao looked at him, unamused.

"I suppose. When did this start?"

"Some years ago."

"Exactly how many?"

"I don't fucking know!"

Yao looked at him again, letting out the slighest of sighs.

"Is there anybody that you can open up to about your problems? Anyone that you do not have this attitude to?"

Lovino swallowed, slightly insecure about talking about this particular subject.

"On the internet, yes."

Yao stood up for a quick moment to bring a small notebook and a pencil, only to sit down again, writing down information with a concentrated look.

"I see. Who do you usually talk to on the internet?"

Lovino swallowed again.

"Does that matter? Why would you want to to know some fucking random names?"

"It does matter, and please, tell me the names."

The Italian glared at Yao before opening his mouth.

"W-well, many different people, but I suppose that it's mostly...well, Antonio."

Yao wrote quickly in his notebook before looking up again.

"Who is Antonio?"

"Why is that fucking important?"

Lovino looked down at his hands with a scowl. What the fuck was this? The last time Lovino checked, therapy was supposed to be talking about your problems, not telling a random person about your online friends. He honestly just felt like leaving and going home. The Italian looked up again to see Yao smiling at him.

"Please, tell me about Antonio."

Steeling himself to atleast stay until his booked time was over, Lovino spoke up.

"Some old pen-pal of mine from Spain. Told me around a week ago that he was moving here, so we started talking again...Was that enough of a fucking answer?"

Yao nodded in understanding and wrote in his notebook.

"Yes. Do you enjoy talking to him?"

"I don't talk to him. We do nothing but text, since I can't fucking keep myself polite while conversing."

"I have noticed. Now, do you enjoy...texting him?"

Lovino's cheeks turned the slightest of red while he thought about his answer.

"W-well, he can be really fucking annoying, but...yeah, I-I guess...", he stuttered, his blush growing more and more. Yao nodded again.

"Okay. Now, changing the subject, what's your sexual orientation?"

"What the fuck?!"

Yao looked at him, expression unamused. Lovino, face completely red, was glaring at him with fury. Why would that even matter at all? The Italian's urge to leave was growing intensely with every minute, and he seriously considered storming out and taking the bus straight home. Yao spoke up, used to the reaction that Lovino had got.

"I'm sorry for making the question so direct, but I need the information about you. For your knowledge, I am homosexual, so I will not judge you.", he said naturally.

Lovino looked at him with uncertainty, considering saying it with care.

"I-I don't really know.", he settled on saying. "I have never really fallen in love."

Yao smiled at him, happy over having gotten a response.

"Thank you.", he said while looking at his wristwatch. "Now, let's continue..."

* * *

Lovino sighed, his cheeks red from exhaustion as he walked on in the slight drizzle. The rest of the time with Yao had not been as horrible as the start of it, Lovino had simply been asked some more questions that didn't seem to have anything to do with the fact that he was there for _therapy_. The Italian took up his phone to check the time. The digits shone brightly and Lovino had to squint to be able to not get blinded, as the surrounding had become dark already.

**:23:16:**

Lovino regretted that he had taken a lot of time walking to the bus stop, making him miss the last bus by just a matter of seconds. Now he had to walk home in the rain for 20 minutes. Just when he was about to lock his cellphone though, he received a text, making him jump slightly.

* * *

**Just got out from the airport :D**

**sent:23:17**

**opened:23:18**

* * *

Lovino smiled the smallest of smiles and started typing a reply.

* * *

**You scared me! I am making my way home, this drizzle is really annoying... Welcome to London! I hope you like rain...**

**sent:23:20**

* * *

**Haha, i'm getting a taxi ;) (If I can find one...that could take some time.)**

**sent:23:21**

**opened:23:22**

* * *

**Nooo, don't leave me in the rain... :(**

**sent:23:24**

* * *

**Sorry, I don't want to get wet :( I have a new coat, and I don't want it ruined!**

**Sorry, Lovi!**

**sent:23:25**

**opened:23:25**

* * *

**DON'T CALL ME LOVI!**

**sent:23:26**

* * *

**Aaaaw, you're cute when you're angry!(even though I can't see your face...)**

**sent: 23:27**

**opened:23:27**

* * *

The faintest of blushes appeared on Lovino's face, but he tried to force it away just as it felt it appeared.

* * *

**w/e :|**

**ugh... Why is walking so freaking difficult? :(**

**sent:23:28**

* * *

**You need to work out, Lovi! ;)**

**sent:23:29**

**opened:23:29**

* * *

**I DO NOT! :|**

**sent:23:30**

* * *

**Don't worry, there is no need to be ashamed... :***

**sent:23:30**

**opened:23:31**

* * *

**you...**

**sent:23:32**

* * *

**Yeeees?**

**sent:23:33**

**opened:23:33**

* * *

**-.-**

**sent:23:34**

* * *

**You're so funny to piss off!**

**sent:23:35**

**opened:23:36**

* * *

**Yeah, hilarious. Well, I need to go now, my apartment is up ahead.**

**Bye.**

**sent:23:37**

* * *

**Really? So is mine :D**

**see ya!**

**sent:23:38**

* * *

Lovino entered the front door and heard a faint 'click' when it closed behind him. He sighed from exhaustion and leaned against the wall for a quick break. That Spaniard...he could grow to like him quite a bit if he managed to not meet him In person.. Lovino didn't know what it was, but Antonio made him feel...special. As if he was someone that mattered to Antonio. The Italian heard the front door open again, but didn't care to open his eyes to see who it was that could be entering the building at this hour. Yet.

A surprised, slightly accented voice echoed lightly through the normally empty hallway, making Lovino's heart jump. _No. No, it couldn't be him. _The Italian opened his eyes, hoping desperately that it wasn't who he thought it was.

"Lovino?", Antonio said with a shocked expression, crushing all of Lovino's hopes of being friends, or even more with the Spaniard.

* * *

**New chapter aye.**

**For old readers, as you can see, I changed the name of this story to "why can't it be me", since it's more original, so yeah. Moving on...**

**In the update of "the way he smiles" I told you the timeline of these two stories, so I may just say them here as well! "The way he smiles" starts around September and ends around the time of summer break, where this story starts! So there will be a bit of UsUk in this one, but it won't be too much of it.. If you don't ship it, i hope it won't be THAT much of a bother. And now, I have absolutely nothing to write here, but it will get too choppy if I just keep moving from subject to subject so here ya go.**

**Also, about Yao saying "aru", I just wanna say that isn't going to be included in this story. I want to keep it serious, and adding "aru" after every sentence makes it quite..y'know..?**

**Lastly, I want to say one thing: Lovino lives in London, close to the "heart" of the city, too. He goes to the same school as Arthur and Alfred from "the way he smiles", but Arthur lives a bit in the outskirts of London.**

**Feel VERY free to review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter!**

**~Midori**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh my gosh, I can't describe how happy I am for the reviews, guys! You just make me want to finish this story right on the spot! ;w;  
No, really, thank you very much, you guys are seriously amazing.**

**So here you go, a new chapter, I hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

"Lovino!" Antonio repeated happily, his green eyes shining up like a bonfire.

"A-Antonio.." Lovino croaked, unsure what to do. Was this guy going to live right next to him? How was the Spaniard going to react to his...behaviour? His chest was heaving as panic started to creep to his stomach.

"Oh my gosh, this is like fate, Lovi!" he heard Antonio say in the background, but he could barely listen. His heart was pounding so fast in his chest, and he could barely breathe. What was he supposed to do? It would only be a matter of time until he lost one of his only friends, and one he cared for deeply too. Lovino could feel his sight worsening with every second that passed.

"Y-yeah. Fate," he mumbled before his vision went completely black.

* * *

The first thing that Lovino saw when he woke up was two big green eyes that were staring back at him with concern.

"Lovino? Are you awake?" Antonio said with a concerned tone while fidgeting slightly with the sheets on the bed that Lovino was laying on. The Italian ignored the question that he had been asked and looked around.

"Where are we?"

Antonio smiled a warm, but nervous smile.

"In my apartment!" The Spaniard gestured against some moving boxes in the corner of the room and winked naturally, making Lovino's heart jump slightly.

Lovino was starting to wake up and was growing more anxious with every minute. What was he supposed to do about this? What if Antonio was like everyone else that he had met online? What if he would stop talking to Lovino completely? What if-

Both of the boys jumped slightly as the sound of Lovino's ringtone echoed through the apartment. The Italian picked up his cellphone to see his brother calling him.

"Yes?"

_"Hi, Lovino, it's Feli! where are you?"_

Lovino paused anxiously to think about a response. If he said that he had passed out, Feliciano would surely overreact and call the ambulance or something similar, which he most certainly didn't want.

"Well, I had some...business... just don't fucking overreact," he settled on, not thinking about the fact that Antonio was sitting right beside him and listening to every word he said. The Italian's eyes quickly wandered to the Spaniard to check his reaction over Lovino's sudden rudeness. Luckily, he just looked back at him, concerned.

_"I see...when will you be back?"_

"Well... now."

_"Okay. See you!"_

Lovino ended the call and steeled himself before looking at Antonio, blessing himself to not mess up anything.

"Uhm...I-It has been n-...n...nice meeting you, but I have to- to go, now," Lovino stuttered, and stood up on two shaky legs.

"Oh...Okay," Antonio said with a quite unreadable expression. The Spaniard fidgeted with his sleeve a bit before giving Lovino a soft smile. As the Italian began to leave he heard a cheery voice behind him.

"Lovino?"

"Y-yeah?"

"It was nice meeting you."

"I-idio-...uhm...y-yeah."

Lovino cursed Antonio for being able to socialize so well as he left the apartment with a face that resembled a tomato.

* * *

Antonio fidgeted anxiously with he strap on his bag as he rang the slightly rusty doorbell. He heard some angry muttering from inside the small apartment before Lovino opened the door.

"Hi, Lovino! Uhm, I would just ask of you would like to..uhm, go out and eat or some-" Antonio interrupted himself as he heard a quiet chuckle from the hallway. Now, when the Spaniard looked again, the person that was standing in the doorway had slightly lighter hair and brown eyes. He had a bit softer features in his face, too, when he thought about it.

"You're not Lovi, are you.." Antonio said with a small blush. The boy smiled warmly at him.

"Nope! My name is Feliciano, I'm Lovi's younger brother! Pleased to meet you!" he said, reaching out for a handshake. Antonio greeted Feliciano with a smile and took his hand.

"You're Antonio, aren't you? Lovi has said a lot about you!"

Antonio looked at Feliciano, slightly baffled.

"Lovino has?"

Feliciano smiled again.

"Yup! You would like to meet him, I suppose?" he said before going into the apartment again. Antonio could hear some angry mumbling, but he tried to ignore it for the moment. Maybe Lovino hadn't gotten enough sleep since yesterday, and he was just a bit grumpy. After a while though, Feliciano returned with his slightly taller brother who was looking surprisingly anxious. Feliciano smiled at Antonio apologetically.

"U-uuhm...there is a thing that Lovino may have to confess to you, so you may have to be here for a while..." the younger Italian started anxiously while fidgeting with a lock of hair. Antonio looked at them with widened eyes.

"Yeah, sure," he simply said before letting himself into the apartment.

* * *

"Soooo..."

Feliciano was nervously tapping his fingers at the small couch next to his brother who was looking at the small window to his left with a small blush. Antonio was observing the brothers with a knot in his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Was Lovino tired of him already and wanted to cut off their friendship? Sure, Lovino wasn't exactly as he had expected (somehow he seemed a bit more...snappy than he had imagined) but he certainly didn't seem like a bad guy. Feliciano looked at his brother anxiously, waiting for him to start speaking, but the older Italian simply scowled at him before returning to his observation of his oh-so interesting window. The younger Italian bit his lip before deciding to speak up.

"Uhhhm, Lovino here...is a bit...ehh...different than you would imagine," he started nervously as his tapping got more intense. Antonio nodded. Okay, it couldn't be that bad, right?

"He is...eeehmm...Lovino, could you...?"

Lovino looked at his brother, and then Antonio. He crossed his arms and averted his gaze with an anxious expression, which Feliciano seemed to take as a "no," and continued with a small sigh, probably forcing himself to keep calm.

"Lovino seems very nice on the internet but, well, he's kind of hard to talk with in real life," Feliciano said with an apologetic smile. Antonio looked at the, well, slightly abnormal brothers, not really grasping the situation.

"Eh...is it bad, or is it just some stuttering...?" he asked, which seemed like a bad idea. Lovino was glaring at him intensively, startling Antonio slightly.

"If it would have just been simple stuttering, we would not have fucking called you into our apartment to say it. Use your god damned brain." Lovino seemed to regret his words slightly as he bit his lip, but was still keeping a sour expression on his face. Antonio tried to conceal the fact that he had got hurt by the insult and smiled apologetically at the older Italian.

"Ah...sorry," he said while scratching his neck restlessly. Feliciano looked at his brother with a quite sad expression before averting his gaze to Antonio.

"Well...I guess that you get the point...but he's really not a bad guy at heart, and that's the thing that matters, right?" the younger Italian said positively, obviously trying to light up the quite dim situation. Antonio honestly admired Feliciano for somehow surviving with his rude brother for his whole life, which seemed to be a quite an impossible task.

"Is this the reason for why you go to a therapist?" Antonio said, as the realization hit him. Lovino looked at him, looking startled over the fact that the Spaniard had remembered him saying that. The older Italian averted his gaze, a his cheeks slightly pink.

"Yeah.."

The room was filled with a slightly awkward silence before Lovino hastily stood up.

"Feliciano, come here."

"Wha-"

"Just come here," Lovino said as he dragged his brother to the exit of the apartment with a quite stunning pace. Feliciano chuckled quite hoarsely.

"Sorry, Antonio, just wait here for a while, okay?" he said before the front door closed quite fiercely. Antonio simply watched the occurrence with a baffled expression before chuckling quietly.

Sure, Lovino was rude, quite loud and snappy, but Antonio could surely grow to like him.

* * *

"He fucking hates me already! I knew that this was a sucky idea!"

Lovino was ranting at his brother with tears in his eyes. He knew that he should have broken the relationship with this guy long ago. What had he been thinking? That he was going to live happily ever after with this guy and they didn't ever had to meet? Fate was not that humble. Fate was not humble, not even one little bit. Feliciano only looked up at him with a smile, though.

"But, Lovi, can't you see? He doesn't hate you."

Lovino looked at his brother as a sob escaped from his mouth.

"Yes he fucking does," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

Feliciano gave the older Italian a hug, comforting him quietly.

"Lovino, you can't read emotions too well, can you? If he would have hated you, then I promise, he would have left you long ago," he said, his voice giving off a relaxing chime as it echoed slightly in the hallway. The corridor was filled with a silence, and it was only broken when Lovino gave out quiet sobs. After a while though, Feliciano spoke up.

"Go to Yao, Lovino. I'm sure that he will be free at this hour, and I will entertain Antonio," Feliciano said quite seriously, but still keeping his positive spirit while doing so. Lovino nodded quietly as he dried tears that had escaped with his sleeve.

"Yeah."

* * *

**Hello again c:**

**I changed the summary of this story so that it seems more interesting and original c:**

**Okay, the new summary may spoil some stuff, but well, that's life, and I believe that this fanfic will turn out long than "the way he smiles," so I suppose that there will be more stuff happening than that. If you would like to not have any spoilers as an old reader, just ignore the new summary and read on! :)**

**Sorry if this chapter ended quite abruptly, but I promise that the next chapters will be slightly longer. I kind of just want to go to sleep atm :/**

**Also, if you have any questions about this story or "the way he smiles," don't be shy! I will gladly answer them! I am also happy to take requests of what you would like to see more of, etc. Just remember to be logged in and have PM activated, so that I can respond! :)**

**One thing before I shall leave. I am thinking about who shall get paired up with China, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to add them in your review! I may or may not include a special chapter about them. The only rule is that you don't leave a suggestions about characters that already have a pairing in my story, like Antonio, Lovino, Arthur, Alfred, Francis, Matthew, Feliciano, Ludwig, etc.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and as always, reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**


	6. About this story

**Okay, you might have noticed that this story is labeled as [PROBABLY ABANDONED] and yes, it's true. I find that this story sucked really bad, since it lacked plot and story. The chapters are too short and choppy, too quick character development, etc etc. BUT I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON WRITING. I have released a new story by the name of "One Beautiful Night," it's USUK and might turn out being angsty, i'm not sure yet. I also find that writing 2 stories at 1 time is really timescraving and stressful, since you have two audiences to please, and it just becomes really meh. Sorry if you don't plan on reading my better story for your own reasons, but if you do give it a try, IT'S MUCH BETTER. okay, that was all and I hope that you take your time with reading the other one!**

**Special message for "why can't it be me:" There will probably be a new spamano story released, similar to this one, but I am still planning it, and who knows, I may be double-timing with stories after all, but it can be hard to please two ship audiences at one time, so the story that I'm making for Spamano could take a little time. Just saying that I WILL BE releasing spamano fics too. it's my OTP so it's hard not to. Feel free to give me a follow, and you will be notified if i do release it.**

**~Midori**


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